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22 February 2016 @ 04:30 pm
The more and more I'm here my mood gets worse. I feel like I'm sinking. I had Baba basically come force her way in Sunday and she did it again today. Like I had strangers in my apartment while I was sleeping this morning.

Then I waited for lunch and that never happened today.

I'm excited to be able to go home and pout in a bed.

My friends probably aren't excited for me to be home, I doubt they've even missed me.

My dad doesn't care.

Mom's only excited so I can give her money I bet.

Like I always have an urge to jump in front of the train here. However I would never want the debt to fall to my parents.

No energy and no happiness. I'm losing myself here. And it's not like I can talk to anyone here. Depression and anxiety are like non-existent out here. My boss already thinks my mom is a bad parent. Because bad stuffs being going on at home and she tells me.

Like no thats not bad?? Like she's a person who's never wrong. Like urgh.

I'm going home in less than 90 days and I can't wait.
03 December 2015 @ 08:01 pm
So man oh man. I keep wanting to post this stuff to tumblr but at the same time I don't. But I need to get this feeling out in the open because it's happening and I'm alone and can't really talk to people. Will writing a post about it help? Probably not. But maybe it will. I just feel bad for all the personal posts on Tumblr some days. Also I know people don't really care. Doesn't really help but meh.

So I think my best paid month in Japan has been August? I got like $800 for my paycheck and I was so excited. I was like hmmm a little short of what I thought I was getting but I was like HECK YESSS. MONEYYY.

Let's skip to now. I think my last decent month just happened. Since starting I have lost 4 classes. So that's 2 classes every week I lost, 1 lesson that was twice a month and the listening class who was maybe once a month.

I did gain two classes. One was a 45 minute class and one is an hour class every week.

But Tuesday I've been informed that my 45 minute (every week) lesson doesn't want to come any more. Now she is 85ish years old. She took a 6 year break because she was diagnosed with cancer. But we've hit a chapter in her textbook (giving directions) which I can tell she's not a fan of. Which is why I tried to go through that chapter really quickly. I could tell she wasn't a fan. But she kept saying she was embarressed and I kept asking why? I think she's really good at English but her personality is just very. . . . dark? Like she's always complaining and sad about something. ALWAYS. So I feel bad because I wanna make her feel better. You came to my lesson to help out with it. But now she's saying she'll never use directions or travel overseas so why is she learning it and she's embarresing her husband because he knows more than her and it's just super sad. :< But she's dropped my lessons now. But I just looked at the schedule and her name is in green now not pink. Which means she's gone from my lesson to my bosses.

And now I'm just upset because if I keep losing classes I won't be able to afford anything. Hiroko takes 20% off my paycheck for taxes. And I don't get that back period. Usually in Canada if I were to pay that much (because of how little I made) I usually got it back. But not here.

So now I'm basically working to pay my rent. I always make sure my bills are paid first and that's usually $200ish. So it's not like I can go out and do fun things or travel around. I don't make enough. The shinkansen is like $250 for me to take any where. And that's the rest of my paycheck after bills.

So I'm kinda happy for the most part but I just don't make enough to do much around here. I can do a little shopping but most of my shopping is food for me. And trying to see what souveniers I can buy for people at home.

Like man the lack of money is making me super anxious. And if I want to eat and it's not a normal day (and sometimes I won't get called for lunch) then I have to go and buy more food. So man, my working holiday is more like working to be poor sometimes. I'm not the best money manager which also hurts a lot. =_= I'm trying to be better. I think I'd feel better if I had a slightly bigger paycheck than 500 or 600 to last me one month. I need more classes. Maybe get better at Japanese and then more people will come? I have no clue. I wish my earlier two lessons hadn't left. I saw one of the old schedules and Kwan was so busy before! I wish it was kinda the same. At least when I'd have break I could go do stuff.

So I'm anxious about money here and anxious about Janurary because my loans start coming out and I can't pay them back because I'm making way less than I thought I would be.

And I can't go get a second job because they're all in Tokyo and that's at least 3 hours of traveling and it's not worth it if I have to be back so soon anyways.

I'm losing my confidence out here. I just wanted to make some money and travel and do all this fun stuff. I've been restricted to Kanagawa mostly. I wanted to see Nara and Osaka and Hokkaido. I did get to do Okinawa I guess but I'm just feeling super bummed. And I miss home. I wanted to be home for Christmas and it looks like that's not happening. Just my anxiety and depression have stepped into overdrive here and it makes me sad.
Current Mood: sad
16 November 2015 @ 07:31 pm
Everything is making me miserable lately. Like everything. I am sad and depressed and I don't really have a good reason to be?

Well maybe this past weekend kinda. Between all the awful things going on in other countries and not having money for food, that wasn't fun either. And little things that happen are setting me off more too. Like leaving a little bit of rice of rice in the bowl. I'm gunna get spots. =_= And how to never do it again.

This is after I've been here for 6 months.

There are some good days and some bad days. Right now the bad days are outweighing my good ones here. It's stupid and weird and I hate having anxiety and depression.

Like next week we have to to volunteer at the Kindergarden's school fair. Which I REALLY don't want to. But alas I have to sell food. And let me tell you how my anxiety is just flaring up over that.

Just a really bad couple of weeks and I want it to go away. I think I need to get away for the weekend.
Current Location: Japan
Current Mood: crappycrappy
15 August 2015 @ 12:51 am
Goals for the next little bit:

  • Practice Japanese for at least an hour every day

  • See and plan and Mount Fuji Hike because that would be sweet.


  • Explore more. No more sitting there and playing Dragon Age (FOR CHRISTS SAKE WOMAN YOU ARE IN JAPAN. LIVE A LITTLE)

14 October 2012 @ 09:21 pm
Soooo I was attempting to change my journal to a Halloween themed one. . . .and somehow it looked messed up, so I hit the back button to fix it and Jin. . . .? pops up. 

I am not sure how this even happened. I just kinda want my hold theme back. ;-; I WON'T TRY AND CHANGE YOU AGAIN I'M SORRY!
03 June 2011 @ 11:26 pm

Ok need to look at some positives right now! So let's start with one little bump through the week:

-Calgary Galaxy, your popcorn gave me the worst stomach ever. I'm now turn off popcorn. Is this good? Kind of. It will save me calories and money xD.

On to the good though!

- I've finished 3 books!
-Got sims working on the Mac
- bought True Blood season 3 for dirt cheap

WHOOT! More tomorrow though!

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

19 March 2011 @ 11:28 am
If you could either have the powers of Spider-man or the Green Lantern, which would you choose, and why?

Green Lantern's powers are awesome albit given to him by ring. . .

But if I wouldn't mutate with Spidermans. . . .I DON'T KNOW DON'T MAKE ME PICK! xDD

I just had to answer this question.

SUPERBOY'S POWER FTW! D: Or Gambits. Or Emma Frosts.

Current Music: Over the Hills and Far Away - Nightwish
14 March 2011 @ 12:22 pm
All the footage is making me sad and useless. I wish I could actually go out there and help out where it's needed. This is awful. :(

This is also forcing me to rethink my career now. If I can't go out there for a while what will I do for a living? :S

Argh, everything is so messed up right now.
Tags: , ,
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Nothing
11 February 2011 @ 01:27 am

No I'm not one but I need a non-life rant right now. XDD

Okay so Final Fantasy 13. I'm on the last part. I beat Dysley fine and with no trouble. Now onto main boss guy, orphan.

MOFO STUPID POS. I got his health down to half and apparently he doesn't like that so he'll keep spamming me with his STUPID KO MOVES THE WHOLE TIME, not just when I stagger him. Stupid bag.

If I can beat him I'm done ff13. ISN'T THAT EXCITING??? Then . . .
Okay I'm going to bed, I'm tired.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

06 February 2011 @ 11:29 pm
((PLEASE KEEP IN MIND that this is the book review and that there will be spoilers!!!))

OKAY! So I finally finished it. And . . . .

Hmmm. I don't know what to say really.

Here's what the back of the book says:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Blacksmith would marry with her.

The woodcutter would run away with her

The werewolf would turn her into one of its own.

- - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - -- - - -
Okay so the heroine of this fairy tale is Valerie, the daughter of the local drunk and her mother just a tad bit crazy. Well she seemed crazy in the beginning. She got more likable towards the end.

So Valerie's childhood friend and love Peter comes back into the town after 10 years. He apparently did something REALLY bad that only Valerie knows about but then we learn later on that Henry (the young blacksmith) does too. So the villagers of Draggorhorn gave an annual animal sacrifice to the Wolf to appease him and then for a while he stopped coming. DUN DUN PLOT INTERVENTION!

So now Valerie learns that Peter's come home, Henry is in love with her, much to the displeasure of her sister Lucie whom was in love with Henry. Her mother sets up the marriage between the two (V and H people) and Henry couldn't be happier. Except Val's in love with Peter who's also in love with her.

Wolf attacks and her sister and Henry's dad get killed in the village and when the men go out to try and kill the Wolf. They think they've killed him but they haven't.

The author jumps around in so many characters heads throughout the novel. It can kinda make you lose your place once or twice within it. You never get to make up your mind about anything because the author comes out with a solution to it before you can think about it. 

I liked Valerie. I did. She was definietly different from what you would expect Little Red Riding Hood to be. I liked the Wolf as well even though he didn't talk much. The character itself was cool.

Now as for the ending? You really don't get one. The end of the books tells you to go to: http://www.redridinghoodbook.com/. This leads to a count down page of the last chapter. Which is released when the movie is. 

Yes this a book that was written AFTER a movie. So I'm actually excited to see the movie even more after reading the book.

Out of 5 stars I'd give this book a 3.5. I was interested and it did keep me guessing throughout it. Characterization wasn't bad for me (maybe minus Henry sometimes. . . ) but the wolf taunting Valerie and communicating with her was different. And that I liked. Maybe if the author had stuck with one point of view (Like Valerie's) it may have been different but who knows. I guess we'll find out in 31 days. 
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Uncontrollable - Stereos